Undeniably Desirable
by sunbune
Summary: Feeling dirty minded and looking for a laugh? This is a twisted bit of sexual silliness at Kenshin's expense. BEWARE: Rated for trash, slash, citrus, and even noncon. scary. I'm so, SO sorry, Kenshin!
1. the wolf

Undeniably… Desirable

_A twisted bit of sexual silliness at Kenshin's expense_

Author's note: WARNING! This fic is meant for a …um… _jaded_ adult audience that has been reading ruroken fanfiction for years, and is ready and willing to make fun of some of the darker, nastier fanfic "tendencies" out there… you'll see what I mean. Although it's not explicit, it _is_ a slashy fic. After _despising_ this stuff for years… finally I gave in, for the sake of my own morbid amusement. Sigh! Of course I really don't think any of this could ever happen in the ruroken world- in my honest opinion, only Kaoru and, to a lesser extent, Megumi, think of Kenshin "that way"… but in this fic, oh, forgive me, Kenshin!

Chapter 1: the wolf

Ignoring the long shadow that fell across his back, Kenshin continued his favorite chore, crouched over the washtub next to the well.

"The girl and the brat aren't here," Saitou said at last.

"Did you come to finish our fight?" Kenshin asked coldly.

"Maybe," Saitou replied, smiling sinisterly. He admired Kenshin for a moment with his narrow wolfish eyes. Kenshin felt the weight of his gaze and it made him uncomfortable.

"What do you want?" he asked at last, sounding almost irritated.

"You," Saitou answered, sounding vaguely bemused. Cigarette smoke curled in front of his lean, sharp-featured face. Kenshin froze, and then slowly stood up, frowning.

"You're joking," he said softly, turning to face Saitou.

"You're oblivious," Saitou retorted, stepping closer. Looking smug, he blew smoke into the retired Battousai's face. Gritting his teeth, Kenshin closed one eye but glared at Saitou with the other. "You don't realize that _everyone_ wants you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're in denial. Everyone you know wants to sleep with you. It's sickening. I'm here to do something about it."

"I don't understand--"

"Exactly. But don't worry, I'll _make_ you understand, very soon." Saitou smiled evilly and suddenly lashed out with both hands- one hand wrapped around Kenshin's throat and the other grabbed a fistful of his long red bangs. Kenshin gagged and immediately began to struggle, but within seconds, Saitou had him in a stranglehold, with his arms pinned to his sides. Releasing Kenshin's neck, Saitou pulled free the cord that had been keeping Kenshin's baggy pocketed sleeves tied up out of the way of the washtub. Expertly, Saitou used this handy bit of rope to secure Kenshin's arms behind his back at the elbows and the wrists.

Kenshin gasped for air, his eyes wide and unbelieving. "You can struggle all you want," Saitou said matter-of-factly. "That'll just make it more fun for me, to be honest."

"What are you going to do to me?" Kenshin asked, horrified.

"I'm going to take you inside, hold you down, and fuck you, so stop acting surprised," Saitou replied coolly. The knots were tied to his satisfaction, so he picked the struggling rurouni up with one arm and carried him into the practice hall, the very place where they had been fighting savagely for their lives only two days previously.

Kenshin almost managed to twist out of Saitou's grip, and as punishment, Saitou threw him onto the floor as forcefully as he could. He grinned as he saw Kenshin wince and suck in his breath through clenched teeth. Those wounds from two days ago couldn't even be close to healed. Kenshin rolled painfully to his side and glared at Saitou furiously. There was a spot of blood on his chin, thanks to his impact with the floor. Saitou noticed it, and instantly, he was kneeling over Kenshin, his knees pressing down on the white hakama, effectively trapping the former Battousai's legs.

"You're not going to scream, are you?" Saitou asked scornfully, his face inches away from Kenshin's.

"Why are you doing this?" Kenshin hissed. Saitou pressed a finger to his lips, and then ran his fingers lightly over Kenshin's scarred cheek and around to the back of his head. Taking a firm hold of the base of Kenshin's skull, his hand lost beneath the infamous red ponytail, Saitou leaned in and _licked_ the bloody spot on Kenshin's chin. Kenshin shuddered and fought to twist away, but there was nowhere to go. He was trapped. Saitou grinned, his lips still just millimeters away from Kenshin's chin.

"Like I said," he growled in an amused voice, "_Everyone_ wants to do this to you. I decided I'd just go ahead actually _do_ it." He placed a hand on Kenshin's chest, and then drew it down over his stomach. Kenshin tried to flinch away from Saitou's hand in enraged disgust. The fact that his arms were bound behind his back made his position extremely awkward. "You don't even tie your hakama properly," Saitou remarked, undoing the childish knot. "Have you really forgotten so much since the Bakumatsu? You're pathetic."

Kenshin realized then that Saitou Hajime was about to take his pants off. "Stop!" he said desperately. "Don't—"

"Shut up," Saitou commanded, and his lips closed forcefully around Kenshin's protesting mouth.

X

Barely fifteen minutes later, Saitou was putting his own pants back on. Kenshin was on his side on the floor, his never-fully-removed gi draped around him. His already wounded body was starting to show a number of new bruises. Saitou lit a fresh cigarette and kicked Kenshin's hakama towards him.

"Sit up and put your clothes back on," Saitou said, sounding bored. Kenshin shot him a dirty look over his shoulder. "Oh, right," Saitou said, and reached for his sword. The blade sang from its sheath and quickly freed Kenshin's hands. Painfully he brought his arms in front of him. His forearms were a hideous purple color, but he could feel the blood returning to them. "You'll be fine," Saitou smirked. "Couple bruises. Good thing you didn't have any _pride _to begin with."

Kenshin sat up, watching normal color return to his hands. "Saitou," he said quietly. "Ultimately, I don't care what anyone does to me… but I want to know _why_."

"Maybe it's your voice. Your eyes. Your red hair- yes, that's all part of it. But most of all, it's your purity. Despite your age and experiences, you've got this irresistible _innocence_."

"What innocence?" Kenshin asked angrily.

"I'll spell it out. No matter what you've done, your heart is still pure. You can see it in your eyes. Just thinking about it makes me want to fuck you again right now. You see, there are two kinds of lust in this corrupted world. The first is lust for something darker and more evil than yourself. For this reason women will always be attracted to dangerous characters, and men will always harbor some level of fascination with prostitutes and the like. But the second kind of lust is far worse- and that lust is the desire to corrupt something that is pure. That's why some sick wretched people are attracted to children, and it's part of the universal appeal of virgins."

Silently, Kenshin folded his gi around his waist and began to put on his pants. Saitou smiled, watching Kenshin closely, not missing a blink.

"I have to say, Battousai… you're incredibly graceful, and satisfactorily pleasing in every way." He paused to take a drag from his cigarette. "This was an enjoyable experience for me, but all the same, I hope I won't have to stop by again."

"What?" Kenshin gasped, his pupils shrinking. "_Again_?"

"You heard me." With a look of cool indifference, he turned and strolled out. Kenshin sat slouched on the floor until he could no longer sense Saitou's ki. Then he sighed and pressed his palms to his forehead. _Good thing you didn't have any pride to begin with_. Saitou's voice echoed in his mind. _No matter what you've done, your heart is still pure._

Kenshin didn't understand. _Saitou must be unstable mentally_, he thought. _His strong desire to fight me somehow warped into another kind of desire- after so many years of killing and bloodshed, his passions are twisted… he's crazy._

_Everyone wants to do this to you,_ Saitou's voice echoed. Kenshin shook his head.

"No," he said out loud. "My friends are just my friends. Surely none of them want to rape me!"


	2. the fox

Chapter 2: the fox

Kenshin arrived at the clinic and Megumi welcomed him inside. "Thank you for coming, Ken-san," she said sweetly. "Please sit down." Kenshin pulled his sakabatou from his belt and placed it on the floor beside him as he obediently sat. Megumi poured some tea and handed it to him.

"Thank you," Kenshin said, and was slightly bothered by her twittering giggle in reply. "Now then… why did you want to see me? Are you going to ask me not to go to Kyoto?"

Megumi shook her head. "Of course you _shouldn't_ go, but I'm sure you'll make up your mind about that by yourself no matter what anyone says. I called you here today because I realized that if you _do_ decide to leave, I needed to see you in private about something first. If I missed my chance and you went away, well, I'd never forgive myself."

Kenshin looked puzzled. "It seems pretty serious de gozaru. But what is it?"

"Ken-san, I'm concerned for your health," Megumi said matter-of-factly, folding her hands primly in her lap.

"I'm fine de gozaru!" Kenshin said, smiling.

"Quite frankly," Megumi said a little too quickly, "I'm worried that you're neglecting your basic needs."

"uh…." Kenshin said, blinking. "No, that's not the case…Kaoru-dono takes care of me, that she does..."

"Oh _does_ she? That little girl? Be serious. It's obvious you've never touched her."

A drop of sweat appeared on the side of Kenshin's face. "T- touched her? You mean –sessha--"

Megumi reached out and put her hand on Kenshin's knee. "Don't deny it," she said, her tone a little gentler. "You're only a man after all, a normal man with needs that a woman can fulfill. I'll get right to the point. You don't have much of a sex life, do you, Ken-san?"

Kenshin swallowed, his eyes wide and terrified. "Sh- should you really be asking such a question, Megumi-dono?" he managed to squeak. Megumi canted her head to one side almost snobbishly.

"Like I said, I'm concerned for your health. There's something I've wanted to do to you for a while now, for your own good."

"Gyaaaa!" Kenshin squawked, scrambling backwards.

Megumi smirked. "By now you must be feeling the effects of what I put in your tea. I can tell by your increased heart rate, shallow breathing, and dilated eyes."

"Sa- sasuge yuumei na onna issha de gozaru naaa," Kenshin panted, feeling slightly delirious and suddenly incredibly turned on.

"Kawaiisou Ken-san," Megumi said sweetly. "By now your body wants me, although your heart and mind are protesting. As a doctor, I feel it is my duty to help you with your physical problem, although to cure your heart and mind you'll have to consult someone else. Kaoru-chan, perhaps."

"It's your 'duty' to do this to me, or your desire?" Kenshin asked, panting.

"Well…. Both, after all!" she replied, giggling. Then with mock seriousness she said: "My, you're looking feverish! We should get you out of your clothes at once to help you cool off!" With that she reached for Kenshin with both hands. He flinched when she touched him, shutting his eyes tightly for an instant. The feel of her gentle, knowing hands on his skin was unbearable.

"Megumi-dono," he muttered, reaching for her uncertainly. Megumi responded eagerly, sighing happily as he raised a trembling hand to her cheek and then ran his fingers through her hair.

"You poor thing," she said softly, cupping his face in her hands. "Don't worry, you can just lay back and I'll do all the work for you." She was already quickly removing all their clothes. Kenshin was practically shivering from excitement and everything seemed blurry and unreal in his mind, but Megumi's words conjured up unpleasant images of being trapped beneath Saitou in the dojo only a few days earlier.

"No," Kenshin said decisively. "I want-- I'll be on top."

"If you insist," Megumi replied, delighted.

X

Kenshin's consciousness drifted to the surface in a beautifully hazy world. He didn't know -and he didn't care- whether he was awake or asleep, alive or dead. All he knew was that he felt wonderful. He felt more content and more peaceful than he could ever remember feeling before. And then he realized that he could feel someone else's skin pressed against his own. And it dawned on him why he felt like he was in heaven. _So that's what this is…_

"Kaoru-dono," he mumbled, burying his face in her hair.

She laughed. "I've been expecting that," she said cheerfully, in a voice that was _not_ Kaoru's. Some of the haze dissipated and Kenshin realized his mistake. He sat up in shock. "Really I'm surprised you didn't say it sooner," Megumi went on. "I guess you haven't fantasized about Kaoru much."

"Um," gulped Kenshin, ignoring her comments. "Megumi-dono, I am incredibly sorry about this, I can't imagine what came over me but if-"

Megumi sighed and pressed a finger to his lips.

"I drugged you, ok?" she said. "You didn't do anything wrong, it was my own devious scheme. And I must say, it worked exceptionally well."

Kenshin shook the rest of the fog out of his brain. Twice already in the past week, against his will… what was going on?

"You look so awfully confused," Megumi noticed.

"Megumi-dono, you said you expected me to call you Kaoru-dono just now, so you must know my feelings towards her… and if that's the case, then how could you…"

"…Do this?" Megumi asked, and she stared up at the ceiling. "I know you love Kaoru-chan. And you know that _I _love you. But surely it's obvious to you that _this _had nothing to do with love."

"… so it was _lust _de gozaru ka?" Kenshin squeaked.

Megumi sighed again, and then smiled up at the rurouni with overflowing fondness. "Yes, Ken-san. Lust. And the reason for it is in the tone of voice you just used. The fact that you even had to _ask_ whether it was lust or not…" she shook her head.

"What?" Kenshin asked. "What is that fact?"

"You're too _pure_, Ken-san."


	3. the master

Chapter 3: the master

"So tell me," Hiko said, pouring himself more sake. "The _real_ reason you left Tokyo."

The question surprised Kenshin. Wasn't having to defeat Shishio reason enough? But of course it was useless to try and hide anything from his master.

"Well… it was because of Kaoru-dono," Kenshin admitted softly.

"The girl who's in love with you."

"…Yes."

Hiko nodded wisely and drank his sake. "I suspected as much," he rumbled. "You're afraid of sex."

"Shishou!" Kenshin sputtered, embarrassed.

"_What?_? You're so annoying when you do that. You sound like a little girl."

"I'm not _afraid_ of it," Kenshin protested.

Hiko frowned and shrugged. "So you're afraid of hurting her. Whatever."

"You don't understand at all," Kenshin said angrily.

"Hoh? Interesting. It must be a good story if you're getting so flustered. Tell me."

"Never mind."

"I command you to tell me. Or else you can forget the ultimate secret thing."

Kenshin frowned stormily and stared into the fire. Once his master set his mind on something, there was no way around it.

"It started with Saitou Hajime," Kenshin said at last.

"Ha ha," Hiko said. "Started with Hajime…."

"Shishou!"

"Sorry, go on." Hiko poured yet another cup of alcohol for himself.

"Saitou told me that everyone I knew was… well…"

"Stop blushing like a school girl and say it," Hiko ordered.

"L…lusting after me," Kenshin admitted. Hiko only nodded.

"Including Saitou himself?"

"Um… well, yes."

Hiko put down his cup and stared a Kenshin for a moment. Kenshin felt distinctly uncomfortable. When he was a boy and Hiko stared at him that way, he'd been convinced that his master could read his mind.

"I see," Hiko said finally. "Well, nothing less from a 'wolf of mibu'. So what happened next?"

Kenshin sweat-dropped. "Well," he went on awkwardly, "I didn't want to believe what Saitou said, but a few days later I had a similar encounter with one of my friends, and she said the same things he did. So, I began to doubt my friends and their intentions… even… even Kaoru-dono's intentions. I thought about it and I realized I just couldn't bear it if she-"

"-Forced herself on you?" Hiko finished with an amused smile. "Ha! In other words, it horrifies you that you might _enjoy_ doing it with this girl, so you ran away and ended up back here. With the lame excuse about fighting some _other _ex-hitokiri nutcase."

"ororo…." Kenshin wailed helplessly as his master finished yet another drink.

"Well for once my stupid student did the right thing. You're completely messed up, but I, your master, can straighten you out. I'll beat some sense into you yet. Actually-" he stood suddenly, and stretched his huge shoulders. "-I think I'll do it right now."

"You mean we'll resume training for the ultimate secret?" Kenshin asked earnestly.

Hiko stared at him again.

Kenshin started to worry a little about the intensity of that stare.

"You're a hopeless idiot, and that's what makes you undeniably… desirable," Hiko grumbled at last. Kenshin froze.

"Im- impossible!" he gasped, eyes wide. "_You_ too?"

"I've wanted to do this for nearly 20 years," Hiko said, taking a menacing step in Kenshin's direction. "That crazy hair… those fierce, _innocent_ eyes… you were beautiful then and you've even more beautiful now. But what exceeds your physical beauty is your beautiful _soul_. You've always had a soul like a great clean sponge to soak up and clean away the evils of the world. A soul that no amount of sin could corrupt. We both know those slave traders would have sold you into the iromachi if I hadn't intervened. Of course, _I_ never would have done anything to you back then –you were just a child- but the temptation existed."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Kenshin said.

"I'll make you believe it soon enough," Hiko said. "Take off your clothes."

"No!" Kenshin practically shouted. Hiko grinned.

"Obey me," Hiko said, "or you'll regret it. You know it's true."

"but…" Kenshin looked up desperately at Hiko's eyes. It was a long way up. "But… you'll kill me!" he protested.

"Are you _afraid_ of death?" Hiko asked tauntingly. Kenshin hesitated for a minute.

"…no," he answered solemnly.

"That's your other problem," Hiko muttered.

"What?"

Hiko coughed. "Never mind, you'll figure it out later. Anyway if Saitou Hajime didn't kill you, then I don't think you have to worry about me- I actually _like_ you, even though you are an annoying moron most of the time. Come on, hurry up. Unless you want me to help you."

"Shishou-" Kenshin gulped, and Hiko seized him by the front of his gi. Kenshin turned to flee but Hiko overpowered him, practically squashing him like a bug against the ground. Hiko smirked at his stupid student's helplessness.

A flux of emotion flashed in Kenshin's eyes. He looked up at Hiko, towering over him, and his mind was flooded with memories of his apprenticeship under the Hiten Mitsuruugi master. Being rescued by Hiko, being given his new name…being clothed and fed and sheltered and trained by the invincible giant of a man. All that time, those years when Kenshin was only 10, 11, 12, 13… Hiko had been… _lusting_ after him? Kenshin had never realized it- Hiko had protected him, and saved him from the iromachi, too. His eyes filled with tears.

"Going to cry, are you?" Hiko asked, almost kindly. "I won't deny that it's amusing to torture you, but that's not my intention right now."

"Then what _is_ your intention?" Kenshin asked.

Hiko smirked at him. "You idiot," he said, loosening his belt.


	4. the mistress

Chapter 4: the mistress

Kenshin squinted into the darkness, and heard the heavy iron door being locked behind him.

"Thank you for honoring me with your presence," a silky voice said. Suddenly a match flared to life, and kissed the wick of a candle. Yumi brought the match to her wet-looking lips, and delicately blew it out. The soft glow of the candle revealed that she was completely naked except for her socks. She was reclined luxuriously across some sort of chaise, her long legs drawn up and crossed at the knees. She was smiling sleekly.

Kenshin's eyes narrowed. "What's going on?" he demanded. He caught the scent of her perfume. It smelled more like spice than flowers, and it was intoxicating.

"No time for pleasant talk, my lord?" Yumi asked coyly, the daintiest of pouts on her lips.

"No." Kenshin tightened his grip on his sakabatou. "I was told that someone would die if I didn't show up here alone tonight de gozaru. Well, here I am. Where is your hostage? Who is it? I demand that you set them free de gozaru!"

Yumi chuckled softly behind one of her elegant hands. "You're so passionate! I can see why Shishio-sama is so fascinated with you. The 'hostage' is actually _me_, Yumi. You see, I am under orders to kill myself if you don't cooperate tonight. And while I wouldn't hesitate to take my own life, I'm…looking forward to the challenge of making you play along."

"Play along?" Kenshin repeated, suspicious.

"Yes. You're so naïve; it's adorable. Most men would have figured it out by now but you're still clueless. I _want_ you. Come here." She beckoned to him gracefully.

"But you don't even know me!"

"You're 'legendary', remember? I've been lusting after you since the first moment I heard about you. And now Shishio-sama wants me to seduce you."

"But… WHY?" Kenshin said, aghast. His shoulders slumped forward. He had barely begun to come to terms with last week's incident with Hiko, and now Shishio's woman was going to kill herself if he didn't allow himself to be seduced… what was going on?

"Shishio-sama trusts my talents," she said. "He wants me to sleep with you to find out what kind of man his senpai really is. You may think of it as espionage if you wish."

"How can you learn anything of importance to Shishio by _sleeping_ with me?" Kenshin demanded. Then a horrible thought struck him. "Unless… Shishio wants to sleep with me too?"

Yumi smiled. "I'm amazed that you guessed, my lord. Shishio-sama underestimated you. He said you wouldn't recognize his true feelings towards you in a hundred years."

"Shishio _Makoto_'s 'true feelings', huh?" Kenshin muttered.

"Yes. He's practically infatuated with you."

"Doitsumo koitsumo," Kenshin muttered.

"Anyway, I'm eager to see what pleases the man that Shishio-sama holds in such high esteem. And he mentioned that if I like you, perhaps there could be a threesome..."

"ACK!" Kenshin staggered backwards. "_WHAT!_ This is insane de gozaru! I'm not going to sleep with you and I'm NOT going to let Shishio rape me and I'm _not _going to participate in a 'threesome'-"

"Then this is the end. Farewell," Yumi said, and held up a dagger. Before Kenshin could say anything, she slit her wrist. She held her graceful arm out over the floor. The blood began to flow quickly. Eyes wide, Kenshin practically leapt forward. He grabbed the knife away from her and flung it into the darkness behind him. Then he pulled back one of his sleeves and tore a wide strip from the white lining. He knelt beside the chaise and took Yumi's wrist, bandaging it as she studied his face demurely. Such cruel scars- what a pity to ruin such a beautiful face.

"You're so kind," Yumi said, covering the bandage with her other hand. "Have you decided to cooperate?"

"I've decided that I don't want you to die," Kenshin said darkly, looking away. "But I also don't want to sleep with you."

Yumi laughed. "You're the first man who's ever said anything like that to me," she said. "How charming! But really I ought to be insulted- you don't know how much of an honor this is for you- I bet that all the money you ever touched in your life wouldn't add up to enough to buy a night with Yumi, before Shishio-sama found me."

"You may be right about that," Kenshin admitted.

"But this is so unprofessional of me," Yumi said, her tone changing. "Honor me by accepting my apology, my lord." She bowed her head, her eyelashes fluttering. "My sincerest wish is to please you, and yet, of the two things you 'don't want', I must give you one. So which will it be? Will you accept my seduction, or my death?"

Kenshin felt a tiny flare of anger. How could anyone be so foolish, to throw their life away over this? "There's no way I can convince you stay alive if I don't sleep with you?" he asked.

"Of course there is… not," Yumi said flatly.

"In that case," Kenshin said solemnly, "I apologize, Yumi-dono. I regret this, de gozaru yo." He looked at her with sad violet eyes, his mouth a thin, determined line. He would think of this as saving Yumi's life, and therefore he would accomplish the task willingly enough.

He held her gently, asking her to please stop whenever she started to try something exciting, and although she wasn't sure why, Yumi realized that she actually _liked_ the former Battousai. She felt a warmth growing in her heart, and realized it was a fond respect for the polite little Inshin-shishi. Something about his integrity, his very nature… something about him was irresistible.

X

"There now," Yumi said breathlessly, happy to see sweat glistening on his shoulder in the candlelight. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Kenshin really wasn't sure how he kept ending up in these situations and he wasn't sure how he felt about his own reactions to each of them- especially just now with Yumi. "So you're done with me? I can leave now and you won't kill yourself?" he asked.

"Yes," Yumi said, sitting up and stretching her arms over her head. "I've completed my mission. Thank you for your cooperation."

Kenshin felt guilty even though he knew he'd just saved her life. "What will you report to Shishio?" he asked, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

Yumi laughed. "First, that you're far too kind and gentle, and that obviously your legendary title of 'strongest' wasn't given to you by any of the whores in Kyoto. You're no match for Shishio-sama, and I'm sure he'd be bored with you if he ever, ah, pursued his fantasies. But, to be honest, I'll also have to tell him that I'd love the chance to seduce you again."

Her smile cut him like a knife. She didn't care at all that he didn't love her. His feelings didn't matter to _anyone_. Feeling more ashamed and dehumanized than usual, he put his clothes back on and snuck back to the Aioiya.


	5. the tori atama

Chapter 5: the tori-atama

"Kennn…shiiiiin," Sano growled, curling his hands into fists.

Kenshin spun around, scrunching his eyes up into happy semi-circles to hide his anxiety. "What is it de gozaru ka?" he asked a bit too quickly.

Sano frowned and one of his eyes twitched. Then without warning he grabbed Kenshin's gi just as Hiko had done.

"Please don't!" Kenshin begged, wincing at the all-too-vivid memories of Saitou and Hiko.

" '_Please don't_' ?" Sano asked, confused. He gave Kenshin a shake, lifting him off the ground. "What are you talking about? What the hell is wrong with you lately? You've been avoiding me ever since we got back from Kyoto. If you've got a problem with me, we should fight it out. Stop acting like such a weakling- you're the guy who beat Shishio, remember?" he set Kenshin roughly back on his feet and released his grip on the mulberry-colored fabric. He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side. "Your attitude lately has really been pissing me off."

Kenshin smiled, whole-heartedly relieved. Sano sensed the change in his demeanor and opened his eyes, returning Kenshin's warm smile. "There you go," Sano said. "That's more like you. So tell me- what was bothering you? Why didn't you want to go out drinking with me last night, or last week for that matter?"

"Well, I was worrying about something that I was. But I just realized how foolish that was of me." He smiled like it was the happiest day of his life. _Of course _Sano_ isn't lusting after me_, he thought. _After all, there's no one in the world I trust more than Sano! _Kenshin almost wanted to hug him, but he managed to stop himself.

"Anyway," Sano said, clapping a strong hand down on Kenshin's shoulder. "Now that you're happily worry-free, how about a drink later? Just stop by my place tonight- and don't you dare decline!"

"Alright," Kenshin agreed. "I'll be there."

X

Sano and Kenshin had a few rounds of sake and a few good laughs at the expense of their mutual friends and enemies.

"-but you know," Sano was saying. "that crazy mummy was a lucky bastard after all. He had a hell of a hot babe for a mistress."

"Naturally she'd _have_ to be 'hot', to hang out with him de gozaru!" Kenshin said.

Sano laughed obnoxiously and spilled some of his sake. "Yeah," he said. "Between the two of them, I'm sure things got pretty 'steamy'!"

Kenshin laughed but felt a pang of regret as he recalled Yumi's death and his encounter with her only a few days before that.

"Oh, man," Sano said wearily. "She was supposed to be some kind of high-class slut, wasn't she? I wonder what they're like? There's gotta be some reason people pay so much for them…"

Kenshin sipped his drink. "They're just normal women, Sano," he said.

"Oh-ho? And what would you know about it, Mr. mostly-broke wanderer? No don't tell me- as you wandered all over Japan for ten years you rescued dozens and dozens of gorgeous amazing whores and they all insisted on sleeping with you to repay you for your kindness, right?"

"Wellll…" Kenshin sweatdropped.

"Ha ha ha," Sano laughed. "You wish, right?"

"…no…." Kenshin said quietly.

"Come on, don't act so serious- I know you have some outrageous story or other hidden away. Hey, I bet that as Battousai you could get all the women, huh?"

Kenshin laughed. "Not at all."

"hey, Kenshin. Why do I get the feeling you're holding out on me here? Come on, tell me- did you ever do it with one of those high-class whores?"

"Ah-" Kenshin said uncomfortably, the sake and the memory of Yumi turning his face pink. "As she said, all the money I ever touched wouldn't add up to enough to buy a night with a lady like that!"

Sano blinked. "So you got her for free after all, didn't you?"

"gaaa…." Kenshin gurgled, his eyes turning swirly.

"You said, 'as she said'. So who is this 'she'?"

"I really shouldn't tell you de gozaru…"

"Nonsense! She'd probably appreciate it; it's like free advertising for her, right?'

"But she's not a courtesan anymore…"

"What is she then? Oo, maybe the trophy wife of some politician? Come on, come on, who is she!"

"She's dead de gozaru," Kenshin said in a tiny voice. Sano's expression turned serious. He put a hand on Kenshin's shoulder and looked into his eyes. Half a moment passed in silence.

"Holy shit," Sano said at last, taking his hand away. "It was Yumi! God _damn_, you're good. Sleeping with your enemy's woman- Kenshin, I'm impressed. You're the man!"

"It wasn't exactly…" Kenshin tried to say, but Sano interrupted him.

"Don't tell me you feel _guilty_ about it. She was an evil little bitch anyway, not that I think you did anything violently- come to think of it, she did keep teasing you about being 'sweet' and 'gentle' – I bet it was a real psychological blow to old Shithead, too. Way to go! Sasuge Kenshin!" he raised his fist in the air dramatically, then emptied the rest of a jug of sake into his mouth. Cheeks red and eyes glassy, he grinned stupidly at Kenshin. "You know I have to be honest with you," he said, his voice a little slurred, "there's just something about you… not sure what it is… but… you're kind of sexy."

"Tell me about it! All these people want me and I don't know why!" Kenshin declared just as drunkenly, having just drained his own sake jug.

"Hmm," Sano said, as if thinking hard. "Jou-chan's obviously after you, and you better watch out… she's still a little girl but it seems to me she's got potential to be a wild one, alright."

"Mm-hm," Kenshin nodded his head. "That she does."

"And Megumi's in love with you too. But that's ok, I guess. It would probably be good for both of you if you hooked up… Megumi's actually a nice girl, she's just so damn smart."

"Mm," Kenshin concurred with another nod. "That she is."

"Yeah, it's only natural that they'd be attracted to you." Suddenly Sano's eyes flashed. "But I'll tell you what really gets to me. That greasy cop, _Saitou Hajime_. The way he looks at you- that bastard. I want to rip him apart!" Sano was getting angry. "_How dare he look at you like that!_"

"Uh…" Kenshin said.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed. The way that pervert stares at you really pisses me off. I hate him!" He crashed his right fist into his left palm. Kenshin looked stunned and vaguely distressed.

"Ah, Sano? …please calm down!" Sano stared at him and suddenly blushed.

"I shouldn't be telling you this," Sano muttered, seemingly unable to look away from Kenshin's eyes. "But you really are _pretty_, you know? It's weird… but maybe that's part of the reason why I … no, that's not true. It's just because of who you are. That's why… Don't get me wrong, I really like girls and you're not a girl, so it's confusing… but, damn it, Kenshin, I _want_ you."

Kenshin registered what Sano said and immediately passed out.

X

When he woke up it was dark and quiet and he was warm and comfortable. Then he remembered where he was, and realized that what felt so comfortable was Sano's chest pressed against his back and Sano's legs nestled against his own legs, and Sano's arm wrapped protectively around him. Kenshin closed his eyes. He'd been betrayed. He felt sick. His own best friend had lured him here, gotten him drunk, and taken advantage of him once he'd passed out! But Kenshin couldn't believe that Sano was that kind of person. No, surely it was Kenshin's fault- something was wrong with him, something that made everyone around him wild with lust. "I'm sorry for being angry, Sano," Kenshin whispered. "It's not your fault. It is I who have betrayed you." Kenshin realized with sadness heavy in his heart that he really would have to hit the road after all. He couldn't stay around his friends any longer- his influence was debasing them.

"Grm… did you say something?" Sano asked groggily. Kenshin didn't reply. "gmm… hey… wait a minute" suddenly he sounded very awake and slightly alarmed. He sat up, pulling the blanket off both of them. "What the hell are you doing in bed with me!" Sano demanded.

"Oro?" Kenshin said, also sitting up. He noticed that he still had all his clothes on, and so did Sano. "I passed out, I don't know-"

"Oh shit, that's right. What did you pass out for? You didn't drink that much, but you were totally out."

"So… what happened after that?" Kenshin asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," Sano said awkwardly. "I had a few more drinks thinking you'd wake up, and when you didn't, I just decided I'd go to sleep too." He pointed at Kenshin accusingly. "You must have crawled over here while I was asleep!"

"Oh, right," Kenshin said. "So you're sure you didn't drag me into bed with you?"

"_drag you into bed with me?_" Sano echoed incredulously. "Just what do you mean, Kenshin?" he asked threateningly. "What makes you think I'd do something like that?"

"Maybe the fact that you – you said – what you said earlier-"

Sano looked distinctly embarrassed. His shoulders sagged. "Oh shit, so you heard that after all?" he muttered. "Sorry- I was drunk."

Kenshin couldn't avoid feeling a flicker of hope. "So you didn't mean it?"

Sano looked at him, his expression serious and a little hurt.

"Of course I meant it," he said solemnly.

"ororooo…"

"I realized it a long time ago. There's something about you that I can't ignore, can't escape, and I sure as hell can't fight it, either. I'm …attracted to you, and there are times when I just really… _want_..."

"--But _why_ de gozaru ka?"

"I don't know, man. Look, I hate to even ask this, since I'm pretty sure you'll say no, but even though you don't feel the same way, do you think you could accept the fact that I feel this way? I mean, is it ok with you if I'm… if I'm sort of in love with you?"

"Uh…" Kenshin said, lowering his eyebrows. "…that's all you want?" he asked, sweatdropping.

"What else _could_ I want?" Sano replied, blinking.

"Um… well, when I suspected you dragged me into bed with you, I also thought that maybe that wasn't _all_ you did to me de gozaru…" Kenshin said carefully.

"_What?_" Sano practically shouted. "You think I'd _rape_ you? Who would rape you?"

"You'd be surprised," Kenshin muttered.

"Wait a minute – did SAITOU ever - - ?"

"Shh," Kenshin said. "You'll disturb your neighbors!"

"Who cares? Damn it, Kenshin, did that bastard touch you?"

Kenshin sighed. As usual, there was no way out, and it was useless to try and lie. "yes, but-" Kenshin said quietly.

"NO!" Sano gasped. "oh my god, I'll kill that bastard. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"gyaaa," Kenshin wailed. "I'd rather not talk about it de gozaru…"

Sano turned away, his teeth clenched, angry tears in his eyes. Kenshin's expression turned serious. "Sano… please listen to me. It's ok."

"It's NOT," Sano exclaimed angrily.

"Sano. Look at me." Reluctantly, Sano obeyed. Determined to make him understand, Kenshin leaned forward, putting his hands on Sano's shoulders. "It's ok. It doesn't matter to me what Saitou or anyone else does to me."

"How can you say that!" Sano demanded, furious. He searched Kenshin's eyes. "Damn you! I don't get it."

Kenshin studied him for a moment. Sano was undoubtedly lusting after him; of that Kenshin was sure. But with Sano it was different than with the others. He hated to admit it, but even innocent little Kaoru-dono seemed determined to have her way with him one of these days. But Sano would rather go on suffering than act on his lust against Kenshin's will. Sano was the only one who wouldn't take advantage of him! But Kenshin couldn't leave his closest friend in misery, always craving what he'd never have. "It's the only way to cure you, that it is," Kenshin muttered, and leaned forward to kiss him.

Sano pushed him away. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked gruffly.

Kenshin sighed. "I'm letting you have what you want de gozaru," he answered.

"What? No way. There's no way I'll let you sacrifice yourself for me like that!"

"Sano," Kenshin said fondly. "It's all right. This is the only way to solve your problem. Take me, I'm yours de gozaru."

Sano shook his head, his eyes wide. "But it'd be wrong. You're in love with Jou-chan, aren't you?"

Kenshin was right- Sano was the only one who cared about his feelings. It made him all the more determined to relieve Sano of his lust. "I won't deny that I love Kaoru-dono most of all," Kenshin said. "But I care about you too, and for your sake, I'm willing to do this…"

"So I'm like a one-night stand?" Sano said nervously. "Uh…I guess I can accept that. Damn, how I've _wanted_ you…"

"Well, go ahead. Do whatever you want." Kenshin closed his eyes, expecting to be thrown down like a rag doll as Saitou and Hiko had done. Sano stared at him incredulously.

"Shit, you really mean it?" he asked nervously. "I can't just…"

Kenshin took Sano's hand and brought it up to his face. He pressed his cheek gently against Sano's palm. Meanwhile he reached up with his right hand and slid it over Sano's ear to cup the back of his head. _Exactly as Saitou did to me_, Kenshin recalled somewhat guiltily. Then he brought his lips to Sano's, and kissed him gently. Sano trembled slightly, and was still, but his hand remained steadily pressed against Kenshin's cheek.

"You're sure about this?" Sano muttered gruffly.

Kenshin answered by kissing him again, and suddenly Sano responded. His other hand came up to the other side of Kenshin's face. This kiss was longer, exploring, asking, but still uncertain. Kenshin quickly tried to remember what Megumi and Yumi had done to him. He wrapped his arms around Sano's chest and pressed his fingertips into Sano's back. Sano grunted and touched his lips against the faint traces of the bite mark from Shishio as he went to the trouble of undoing Kenshin's ponytail. _Nobody else has bothered to do that_, Kenshin thought as he felt his hair falling over his shoulders. _It's probably so I'll seem more like a girl. _

Suddenly Kenshin found himself squashed against Sano's chest in a smothering hug. Kenshin blinked, surprised. "Hey," Sano said gruffly, holding him. "Before this goes any further… I want to say, thank you."

Kenshin didn't know what to say. It was his fault anyway for driving everyone crazy; to help his friend satiate his lust, what else could he do?

Sano hugged him for another moment, and then, abruptly deciding on a course of action, he pressed Kenshin down against the futon. Kenshin sighed softly as Sano kissed his collarbone and then the side of his neck. He felt Sano's weight settle briefly against his chest, but then Sano was supporting himself on his elbows. _Well this is different_, Kenshin thought. It seemed impossible that this was the same Sano who never hesitated to punch him or stomp on him. Not even Megumi had been this gentle with him.

X

"Never again," Sano said, laying spread-eagled on his back next to Kenshin. "Oh man, I'm exhausted."

Kenshin glanced over at Sano out of the corner of his eye. "Well I _hope_ so," he said. "It only took you forever…"

"I blame the alcohol," Sano said. "Anyway are you really alright?"

"I'm fine," Kenshin insisted.

"Good," Sano breathed. "…me too." He closed his eyes. "You were right, that was the only way after all. Damn I'm glad we got that cleared up. And now I mean it- never again! I don't want you anymore. I want Jou-chan to have you- that's how it's supposed to be."

"Hmm," Kenshin said thoughtfully. "I hope you're right, that I do."

Sano rolled onto his side and studied Kenshin for a moment. Kenshin glanced sideways up at him. Color rose to Sano's cheeks. "Damn, I still can't believe I did that," he muttered. "I mean, that… uh… that's really not my preference. What the hell was wrong with me? It doesn't make sense. You're sure you don't hate me now?"

"Of course I don't hate you," Kenshin replied softly.

"But then again, you probably don't hate that bastard Saitou either," Sano growled.

"I almost hated him… no… I actually did hate him, when I saw what he had done to you," Kenshin said frankly. Sano almost unconsciously raised his hand to his shoulder to cover the remains of the scars from Megumi's careful stitches.

"What, that little scratch?" he asked, a bit too gruffly. Kenshin smiled.

"You're a good man, Sano. And a good friend; the best I've ever had. That's why-"

"-that's why you rolled over for me? Not buying it. What was really going on?"

Kenshin stared at the ceiling, his expression grim. "I've been trying to figure that out. It seems that Saitou was right. Everybody who knows me _wants_ me. Apparently I'm the kind of person who can get used and abused by the whole world and still be… uncorrupted. People who get close enough to me to sense that seem to go crazy from the desire to get closer and closer to it, until they feel they just _have_ to possess whatever it is that I've got. During the Bakumatsu, all the Ishin-shishi were fascinated with me- some were even obsessed- but their fear kept them all at bay. Wandering around Japan, I never stayed in one place long enough to let anyone get close. But now..."

"You're planning to stick around, so you've got to figure out a way to stop people from being attracted to you, otherwise you'll end up getting screwed by half the population of Tokyo! Listen, I think part of the problem is how unselfish you are. You sort of give off the impression that you've never lusted after anything in your whole life. You're just a serene little angel who never had a single dirty thought in his happy little heart. It seems wrong to talk about Jou-chan like this, but I think she's your only hope at this point."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, she's the only one around who seems more innocent than you, and that's because, she _is_. You've got to go on and claim her, Kenshin. And never mind that she wants you to- you've got to take her innocence because _you _want to do it. Take it from her and give her passion in exchange. Go crazy about it- shit, be _scary_ about it. Do it because you _need_ to."

Kenshin shook his head. "Sessha isn't like that," he said quietly. "I would never do that to Kaoru-dono."

"Well, somebody better do it for her, and soon, too. Hell, maybe _I'll_ go do it. We both know she's already pretty good at screaming my name, heh heh."

Kenshin's entire demeanor changed in an instant. It was as if an icy wind swept the room. Sano grinned.

"I just said that so you'd make that face," Sano said. "You need to be serious about this! You _can't_ stay passive and let people take what they want from you without asking anything for yourself."

Kenshin thought quietly for a moment. Maybe it really was the absence of lust in his own heart that made him seem so 'pure' and drew everyone else's lust like a magnet.

"All right," Kenshin decided. "I'll do it."


	6. the tanuki musume

Chapter 6: the tanuki musume

Kenshin avoided Kaoru as politely as possible over the next few days. Now that everyone else's lust for him had been (he hoped) abated, Kaoru's desire seemed almost unbearably strong. Whenever he felt it pouring over him like hot rain, he was filled with mixed feelings of guilt and determination. He knew what he had to do, but he was still in process of working up the courage to do it.

He found himself mulling over everything that happened to him since the fateful day that Saitou had interrupted his favorite chore. He had struggled against Saitou. _No matter what you've done, your heart is still pure, _Saitou had told him. Then Megumi had drugged him, and confronted him about Kaoru: _That little girl? Be serious. It's obvious you've never touched her._ And then Hiko correctly figured out why he ran away from Tokyo: _it horrifies you that you might enjoy doing it with this girl_. When Hiko had decided to 'straighten him out', he'd known it was pointless to try and resist. _You've always had a soul like a great clean sponge to soak up and clean away the evils of the world,_ Hiko had said. And then there was Yumi. She seemed to want him just for the hell of it. _You're 'legendary', remember? I've been lusting after you since the first moment I heard about you._ He had cooperated, but only because her life was on the line.

Then there was the incident with Sanosuke, which gave him the most to think about. That time, Kenshin himself had initiated everything. True, it was for Sano's sake, but not because his life was in danger or anything like that. Sano hadn't held him down. And it was Sano who finally came up with the solution to his problem: he had to go one step further than simply _allowing_ others to satisfy their lust. He had to satisfy his _own _lust. Which meant, of course, that he'd have to conjure up some lust. It was surprisingly difficult. He tried his best to look at Kaoru like some kind of sexual object, but even when she was screaming at Yahiko and hitting him over the head with a broom, all he saw in her was a beautiful innocent child that he only desired to protect.

He reasoned with himself that perhaps it was understandable. He'd had a broken heart since he was 8 years old, after all. It was briefly healed when he was 15, but it was ripped wide open again all too quickly. His heart was simply too _sad _to be able to lust after something. He _did _want to stay alive, at least, so he could protect everyone's (and particularly Kaoru-dono's) happiness. She was beautiful. She was even sexy, and she managed to turn him on now and then, usually completely by accident. She'd turn her head a certain way, or her hair and her ribbon would catch the light, or she'd bite her lip just so and he'd feel a wistful tug of attraction. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he wouldn't mind at all if she showed up in his room one night and pounced on him. But when he thought about it the other way around, with him showing up in _her_ room, throwing her down and ravaging her, he imagined fear in her eyes, and it stopped him cold. He couldn't do it. He didn't want to.

X

About a week later, Sanosuke stopped by and confronted him. "All right, Kenshin," he muttered conspiratorially. "I've got the perfect excuse to get Yahiko out of the house, so tonight's the night you're going to put yourself out of your misery."

"Oroo," Kenshin protested.

"Snap out of it!" Sano scolded. "You need to take this seriously. You want her, you need her, and tonight she'll be yours."

"Orooo," Kenshin repeated helplessly.

Sano sighed. "Look, we've been through this. You need to tie her up, tear her clothes off with your teeth, and go at it until you both pass out. Got it?"

"Sano?" Kaoru called. They both turned red. Sano looked her over appreciatively from head to toe as she walked toward them across the yard. She was more beautiful than ever, wearing her purple kimono and matching ribbon. Sano had always thought she was pretty, but lately, she was a blossom absolutely _begging_ to be picked. _Damn…_Sano was almost tempted to fall in love with her. Sano sensed Kenshin's growing paralysis as Kaoru approached.

"I'm serious this time," Sano muttered out of the corner of his mouth, elbowing Kenshin for emphasis. "It'll either be you or _me_."

"What are you mumbling?" Kaoru asked, coming to a stop. She noticed the color in both of their faces and was sure that she'd caught them up to no good as usual.

"Oh, it's nothing, Jou-chan," Sano exclaimed. "I was actually wondering if I could borrow Yahiko. Tae-san threw some thug out of the Akabeko yesterday and I hear he's rustled up some buddies to cause trouble. I thought me an' Yahiko could probably take care of it." He grinned casually, showing off all his rugged badass-ness.

"Sounds great!" Yahiko said, stepping out of the dojo and propping his shinai on his shoulder. As predicted, he'd jumped at the chance to get out of the dojo and see some action.

"When will you be back?" Kaoru asked, a little worried.

Sano shrugged with handsome carelessness. "Oh, you know, maybe tomorrow morning, maybe in a week or so… depends on how long it takes him to do what needs to be done."

"The thug, or Yahiko?" Kaoru asked, confused.

"or someone," Sano said nonchalantly, turning and strolling away with his hands in his pockets. "Let's go, Yahiko."

"Right!" the boy jumped down and ran after him.

"Well, take care!" Kaoru called. "If you ruin my star pupil, I'll never forgive you!"

"Don't worry!" Sano called back, waving. Then he and Yahiko were gone.

Kenshin looked at her fearfully. They were alone. What should he do? Jump on her? Right here in the yard? Get that purple kimono covered in dust? He stood rooted to the spot.

"Something wrong?" Kaoru asked, frowning as she noticed his horrified expression.

"oh- no, nothing at all," Kenshin stuttered. "Kaoru-dono… shall we eat dinner?"

"Sure," Kaoru replied.

As they ate and talked about mundane things, Kaoru couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be looking at her more than usual. Or maybe just differently than usual. Every time she glanced his way she caught those violet eyes focused on her, and she felt her face turn red. It began to make her angry. She wanted him, she needed him, she _longed_ for him… and she couldn't have him! Damn him! Finally she threw a bowl at him, not caring that he ducked and it shattered against the wall.

"Oro?" Kenshin uttered, his eyes bugging out.

"Stop STARING at me!" she commanded loudly.

"Why de gozaru ka?" he asked innocently. Oh, he was _too_ good at that.

"Because! It's starting to freak me out!" she declared, her nose in the air. "Look at your food, not at me."

"Ano…" Kenshin weakly held up his empty dish.

"Whatever!" Kaoru barked. "If you're done, you can do the dishes! Goodnight!"

Kenshin's eyes closed into happy semi-circles. "You're in a bad mood de gozaru," he said kindly.

"And you're only making it worse!"

Kenshin sweatdropped. "Sou de gozaru," he muttered. Then he spoke up. "I'm sorry for staring at you," he said, and immediately felt Kaoru soften towards him, which lent him the courage he needed to continue. "But I was just realizing that you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, that you are."

Kaoru blinked several times. Was she dreaming this?

"It took you until now to realize that?" she said, deciding to be sarcastic and treat the situation like a joke.

"I never let myself realize it before. But now, I can't help it."

She locked eyes with him. A thrill swept over her. He was serious!

"I told myself I wouldn't do this, because you're still only 17 and I'm twelve years older than you-"

"I don't care about that," Kaoru said. "I love you!"

"I love you too, Kaoru-dono," he said. There was enough time to blink once, and then she tackled him.

_Well, that was easy_, Kenshin thought happily as he found himself pinned beneath her, his lips connected magically to hers. Deliberately he pushed himself into a sitting position, and then pushed her down to the floor, still kissing her. Once he had her on her back he scooped her up into his arms and carried her down the hall to his room. He was overwhelmed by how excited and enthusiastic she was, and he didn't even notice that she ripped three seams in his beloved old gi as she was hastily tearing it off of him. Soon they were cuddled together amidst rumpled blankets and discarded clothes. Kenshin caught his breath and stared wide-eyed at Kaoru's shadowy form, slender and soft and completely naked next to him.

"Kenshin," she whispered, her eyes deep and shimmering. "What are you doing?"

Kenshin brushed the hair from the side of her face lovingly.

"I… I'm savoring the moment de gozaru," he confessed a little awkwardly.

"Mou," Kaoru said, her eyes igniting. "Can't you savor it later!" she threw all her passion- and a little of her aggressiveness- into kissing him, pressing her body against his, running her hands over his skin, and when she brought up one of her knees and wrapped her leg around one of his legs, Kenshin suddenly found himself of top of her. Making a distressed 'nmh!' sound, he pulled his mouth away from hers.

"Kaoru," he panted. She gasped.

"Say that again," she said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Kaoru."

"What is it?" she asked, glad to let the tears fall. Finally… he'd dropped the stupid 'dono'. She giggled suddenly at the thought of being called 'Kaoru-dono' when she was naked in bed with him.

"I need you," he said, and she felt the muscles in his back tighten under her fingers. "But are you… are you afraid?" he asked breathlessly. If there was any fear or doubt in her at all, he swore he'd tear himself away.

Kaoru frowned. "I'm _afraid_ I'll die of impatience if I have to wait another minute," she exclaimed. "I want you right now!" She was smiling. She had wanted him for so long, loved him for so long, and dreamed of this for so long…

Kenshin smiled too, and with a happy sigh he leaned down against her, nestling his chin between her neck and shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him, treasuring the feel of his warmth, his weight, his ribs and his muscles and the edge of the long diagonal scar across his back- every detail was precious to her, and she never wanted to let him out of her arms.

"Kaoru," he was saying. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting…"

Kaoru couldn't keep the cute mischievous grin off her face. _I'm sure you'll make it worth the wait_, she thought excitedly.

…and he did.

X

Kaoru giggled, shaking Kenshin's hair out of her face. Then she swept enough of it away from his face so she could see his eyes, which blinked at her, warm, violet, but perhaps not quite as innocent as always. "Was that an 'oro' I just heard?" she asked, smiling.

"I still can't move de gozaru," Kenshin mumbled.

"Ara? Did I hurt you?" Kaoru asked, worried. Kenshin looked pitifully embarrassed.

"oh- no. But that's what I should be asking you."

Kaoru leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. "No need to worry," she said lightly. "I've never felt so happy."

"Me neither de gozaru. That was the best night of my life de gozaru," he murmured, closing his eyes.

She kissed him again, but when she drew back, it looked like he'd fallen asleep. She punched his shoulder playfully and his eyes popped open, but he looked a little disoriented.

"Hey," Kaoru said cheerfully. "It's morning, ne? Want to get up for breakfast?"

Kenshin moaned incoherently and then said: "Maybe in a day or two de gozaru…"

Kaoru sat up, feeling slightly alarmed. She stared down at him. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked worriedly. "Maybe I should call Megumi-san."

"No, I'm fine de gozaru," he said.

"Are you always like this after having sex?" Kaoru asked, biting her lip.

"Gyaaa," Kenshin said, calling on his severely depleted reserve of super-human strength to haul himself up on one elbow. He gaped at Kaoru, dumbfounded. "Just how often do you think I have sex, anyway?" he asked, wide-eyed.

Kaoru blinked, and then blushed. "Well, it doesn't matter," she said almost apologetically. "But from now on, I guess, every night-"

"Every night de gozaru ka?" his voice was strained.

"-and every morning--?" she continued timidly. Kenshin's arm gave out and he collapsed onto the blankets.

"…help…" he gurgled, swirly-eyed.

"Oh! That reminds me. Hiko-san said that if you ever needed help with this sort of thing, I should let him know."

"That's really not necessary," Kenshin said, aghast.

"I bet he could give you some good advice though," Kaoru continued. "Maybe improve your stamina."

"wh- WHAT!" Kenshin had been pretty sure that they'd just set some kind of record.

Kaoru laughed and patted his shoulder. "I'm kidding!" she said. "Completely kidding! I can't believe you fell for it!" she sighed. "It just feels great to finally be able to tease you about sex! But I swear I'll leave you alone now so you can rest."

"Thank you," Kenshin mumbled. Kaoru watched him close his eyes.

"No," she said softly, smoothing his hair. "Thank you, Kenshin. Thank you so much."


	7. the conclusion

Chapter 7: the conclusion

About an hour later Sano showed up at the dojo carrying a passed-out Yahiko piggy back. He grinned as he spotted Kaoru.

"Oi, Jou-chan!" he called. "How'd it go last night!"

Kaoru blushed furiously.

"Well, how'd it go with those thugs?" she asked back.

"Yahiko was awesome! They showed their ugly faces just after midnight. Yahiko took down one and I got about three before the rest took off, but we chased them all down- running all over the city all night- I think Yahiko's final count was 4 or 5, but anyway I'm sure he'll tell you all about it himself. He was great! Then the two of us went out for a few beers to celebrate!"

"Mou, so that's why he's passed out right now? Disgusting, getting a child drunk like that."

"Aw, come on, Jou-chan, he'd earned it. You should have seen him fight. Yahiko proved himself to be a real man." Sano blinked. "And that reminds me," he plowed on tactlessly, "Where's Kenshin, anyway?"

Kaoru sighed, feeling her face turn red again. "Still asleep," she said.

"Heh heh," Sano snickered, grinning sideways. "Wore him out, did you? Well, good for you. And for him. Come on, let's wake him up, it's almost time for lunch, isn't it? I'm starving."

Sano carried Yahiko into the house and down the hall to Kenshin's room, and Kaoru followed. They slid back the door quietly and gathered around the sleeping rurouni. He was on his side, curled up, one arm under his head, breathing deeply, with a look of sweet contentment on his face.

Kaoru smiled. "Sleeping like a baby," she whispered. "Well, let's not wake him. Just leave Yahiko here and the two of us will go eat." She took a spare blanket off a shelf and spread it on the floor next to Kenshin. Sano knelt and carefully eased the sleeping boy off his back, placing him on the blanket. He ruffled the boy's hair fondly.

"There you go, you little punk. Sweet dreams." He stood and turned to go but noticed that Kaoru hadn't moved. She was staring in rapt fascination at the two sleeping figures. "Jou-chan?" Sano asked, puzzled. "What's up?"

"Look at them!" she breathed, clasping her hands together. "Aren't they adorable? Yahiko looks almost innocent; you'd never guess he was such a loud-mouthed rude obnoxious brat. And of course Kenshin looks like an angel, don't you think?"

Sano looked. He saw only a sleeping kid, and a sleeping Kenshin. He realized with immense relief that the sight of his red-haired friend no longer appealed to him the way it used to. Really he'd seen more than enough of Kenshin in bed. The memory caused his cheeks to turn a little pink. "Uh, whatever you say, Jou-chan…" Sano said, putting his hands in his pockets.

Kaoru sat down on her heels, studying the sleeping pair. "Ah," she sighed. "Wouldn't it be so sweet if Kenshin would put his arm around him?"

"Huh?" Sano asked.

"Shh!" Kaoru said. "You heard me." She put her fist under her chin for a moment, thinking about it. Then her eyes closed into happy semi-circles, and she leaned over Yahiko, grabbing him under the arms and moving him closer to Kenshin. Sano watched her, confused and a little disturbed. Finally Kaoru had managed to pull and push Yahiko right beside Kenshin, and she gently picked up Kenshin's arm and put it softly across Yahiko's side. Kenshin stirred a little, sighing in his sleep, and became dimly aware that there was someone next to him. Not being remotely conscious enough to imagine that it was anyone other than Kaoru, he wrapped his arm around the warm, slender body and fell back into a deep sleep, holding the smaller person against his chest protectively. "Aww! So cute!" Kaoru exclaimed in a delighted whisper.

Sano, at this point, was more than a little unnerved. "Good grief, that's not right," he muttered.

"What?" Kaoru asked defensively.

"Don't you think it's a little harsh of a joke to play on them?"

"It's not a joke! It's just cute!"

"But, Jou-chan, a 29-year-old man and a 10-year-old boy just don't-"

"Mou, don't be dirty-minded!" Kaoru scolded. "Why does everything have to be _sexual _with guys? It's not like they're sleeping together, they're just _near_ each other, asleep."

"It could still scar the kid for life if he wakes up in the arms of a guy, even if it's Kenshin," Sano said adamantly.

"hush, you'll wake them! Don't take things so seriously, it's not a big deal. Anyway let's leave them be and go eat lunch, ne?"

"Well, all right," Sano grumbled. He followed Kaoru into the hall, taking a last glance over his shoulder at Kenshin and Yahiko nestled snugly together. Sano shook his head. "…but that's _not right_…" he muttered, sliding the door shut.

X

Kaoru and Sano set into their lunch greedily, scarfing down food with matching looks of ferocity and determination. It almost looked like a contest. Before they could fall to fighting over the last serving of this-or-that, Megumi arrived with a basket of sweets. The three of them had tea and chatted and when the conversation turned to Kenshin, Kaoru's red face and Sano's snicker gave everything away. Megumi chuckled and congratulated her, remarking that "it was about time," and from there the conversation spiraled down into a flirtatious argument between Sano and Megumi, which mainly consisted of Sano defending himself against Megumi's scathing comments about the many ways in which Sano was inferior to Kenshin. Kaoru couldn't help but laugh at them. They were obviously made for each other, these two.

Eventually Sano decided to annoy Megumi by flirting with Kaoru, which worked brilliantly. Megumi's eyes glinted and she sipped her tea daintily, before settling on a comeback. "I've never really liked men who _tease _women," she said primly. "I prefer those who simply take what they want, like I do."

Sano snorted. "Since when do _you _take what you want? You wanted Kenshin, and you never 'took' him, now, did you?"

Megumi smiled slyly. Kaoru and Sano both sweatdropped.

X

Meanwhile, Yahiko muttered something incoherently and snuggled up closer to Kenshin. Kenshin also stirred, waking up but not opening his eyes. He smiled, feeling completely rested and whole. At some point in the morning Kaoru had come back into bed with him. He thought he heard her mutter something, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to the back of her head- but his face crashed into a forest of short, spiky, unwashed hair. Startled, Kenshin opened his eyes. His alarm was enough to wake Yahiko, who rolled over, blinking his eyes.

"Ya- Yahiko!" Kenshin half-screamed.

"_Ehhh?_" Yahiko said, his eyes widening.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Kenshin was stunned. He gaped at the boy beside him. Then a horrible thought struck his mind. _No_… NO… surely _Yahiko_ hadn't been lusting after him- right? But then why – how—

"AAAUUGH!"

Sano, Megumi, and Kaoru all turned to look at the door. Seconds later Kenshin and Yahiko tumbled into the room. Both looked tousled and distressed. Kenshin wore only a yukata. Yahiko looked like he'd slept in his clothes, and had a rough night at that. Before anyone could say anything, Kenshin dropped to his knees. His shoulders shook a little as he bent forward until his nose almost touched the floor.

"Everyone, I must apologize!" he said gravely. They all blinked at him, utterly at a loss. "For driving you crazy, for being the cause of your lust-"

"What the hell!" Yahiko demanded indignantly. "What's going on?"

"-I thought I could take care of it, but it seems that there's no hope. I am so incredibly sorry for what I have done to all of you. I know everyone wants me, but the only one sessha wants is Kaoru-dono! I'm sure the way I am is unforgivable, but I apologize sincerely that I do!"

Yahiko stared at Sano, Megumi, and Kaoru. All three of them were blushing. "What on earth is he talking about?" Yahiko shouted at them. "Kenshin, have you lost your brains?"

Nobody said anything. Yahiko turned to Kaoru. "And you! Are you suddenly too good to use the laundry basket? What do you mean by throwing your dirty clothes all over the floor in Ken-" it dawned on him and his face turned redder and redder as he completed his sentence. "-shin's…room…" There was a moment of silence.

And then Megumi raised her hand to her mouth, and began to laugh. A few seconds later, Sano and Kaoru began laughing too. Kenshin looked up, just as bewildered as Yahiko.

"Oh, Ken-san, don't you get it?" Megumi asked. "You don't have to apologize to us! If anything, it ought to be the other way around. But all of that is over and done with now. You're missing the point all together!"

Kaoru nodded happily. "You _did_ 'take care of it', you hopeless idiot! All the _lust_ has been burned up… and all that's left is love now!" she beamed at him. "You don't have to worry about lust anymore. The point is, Kenshin- we all love you!"

Simultaneously Kaoru and Megumi closed in and hugged him, Kaoru from the left and Megumi from the right. Sano thought about it for half a second and then with this long arms he hugged all three of them together. He glanced at the fuming Yahiko out of the corner of his eye and grinned.

"You too, kid- get in here," Sano said, snatching him with one hand and pulling him into the group hug.

"Don't include _me _in your weirdness! I'm not a part of your nasty love triangle… square… or whatever it is! I don't have anything to do with it!" Yahiko protested, struggling to escape.

Kaoru giggled and rubbed her cheek on Kenshin's shoulder. He'd finally said it, out loud to everyone, declaring that he wanted her. That was the real answer right there- that was all they needed to know. Now, around Kenshin and Kaoru's new, clearly established relationship, they could all grow even closer. Kenshin's heart had been the key to all their hearts for so long. While his heart had been uncertain, their own emotions and feelings towards him had been in turmoil. But now, at last, Kenshin had figured it out.

And she was his now, to love and be loved forever.

IT'S OVER!

A/N: Yay! A happy ending to a dirty-minded fic! Oh, wasn't it horrible? Yuck! This is what reading too much fanfiction does to a person. Sigh. Anyway if I've amused or annoyed you, please review!


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